How to Talk About Your Mental Health Without Oversharing
Although times are changing, I came of age being told that mental health was something you never spoke about. There was still enough stigma around it that I had rarely heard anyone mention their mental health. If you did want to have mental health conversations, you went to a therapist… in secret!
The stigma persists today but there’s no doubt people are more comfortable sharing their struggles with mental health. Some people open up about it to millions online and many young people regularly share relatable memes about anxiety, depression, ADHD, and other common challenges.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t necessarily make it easy to be open about your issues. Having a heart-to-heart with a confidante is different to sharing generalities. Furthermore, when you do talk about your mental health, it can be tough to gauge how much to share.
When I started having mental health conversations, I often ended up oversharing. That was okay with the people I trusted most, but when I did so with others, I wound up feeling vulnerable, anxious, and ashamed.
So, how do you talk about your mental health without oversharing? Here are some things to consider.
Choosing the Right People to Discuss Your Mental Health With
It’s important that, as a society, we speak more openly about mental health. However, that doesn’t mean it is wise to share everything with everyone. If you do so, you may feel unsafe or regretful. Also, some people who have warped views about mental health are overly generous with their advice. The experience of having your challenges invalidated is unpleasant, to say the least.
Ask yourself:
- Which loved ones do you feel safe to be yourself around?
- Who do you want to deepen your relationship with?
- Are they open to their own vulnerability?
Even with your chosen confidantes, it is possible to overshare. Good relationships are reciprocal and the person is not there to be your therapist. While that doesn’t mean you should keep things from them, remember to give them the same space to share that they grant you.
Setting Healthy Boundaries in Mental Health Conversations
Being open and authentic is not about sharing absolutely everything about yourself. You’re not being disingenuous by not divulging sensitive information, whether that involves health, experiences of trauma, or details of your other relationships. Connection is not based on knowing all the details of a person’s life.
If you’re worried about oversharing, setting boundaries about your mental health in advance is important. It’s helpful sometimes to push yourself to share when it is uncomfortable, but that should not entail making yourself feel unsafe or reliving trauma.
It’s also important to take the other person’s boundaries into account. They may have their own vulnerabilities about certain subjects due to past experiences. If you’re unsure whether it is appropriate to broach a topic with them, ask them before you go into details.
Be Intentional About Time and Place
Oversharing isn’t always related to the contents of what you share. It can also be a consequence of the context in which you share it. For example, a person who has just finished a long work day might not have the capacity to listen right now. A friend may not want to delve into serious subjects at a party. And, someone who has been drinking is unlikely to be in the right headspace for a conversation about mental health.
Although these subjects can come up during day-to-day interactions, leading to valuable conversations, it is ideal to be intentional about when and where you choose to share. If you need to talk to a confidante, ask them if they can meet for this specific purpose. Pick a place where you can talk without the risk of unwanted eavesdroppers.
Prepare for Uncomfortable Feelings
Sometimes, you just want your confidante to listen. However, these interactions are often open conversations. They may have thoughts or interpretations of your experience. They might even offer advice. If you have approached the conversation with a certain narrative in mind, this can lead to frustration or defensiveness.
It is okay to tell the person that you don’t want to go down a certain path but even the most trustworthy friends can be insensitive sometimes, and if they are truly invalidating your experience or reacting in an unpleasant way, it’s best to end the conversation. That being said, discomfort in these conversations can indicate that they have struck a chord.
By pausing and considering what they’re saying, you may realize that there is another way of viewing what you are going through. It also ensures that this remains a dialogue that deepens your connection.
Reading Nonverbal Cues in Sensitive Conversations
A confidante who is open to listening may nonetheless become uncomfortable. There could be many reasons for hits, whether it is due to memories of a past experience or an anxious thought that just crossed their mind. Whatever the case is, chances are that there will be signs.
They may not say it in words, but their body language can indicate that they want to pause. Common cues include fidgeting, frowning, avoiding eye contact, rigidness, and tension in their posture.
Take context into account. Some people fidget even when they are comfortable. Some prefer little eye contact in general. The key is to notice any differences. To do so, you will have to pay attention to them, always remembering that you are in dialogue even when you are sharing intense issues.
Balancing Openness: Finding Your Mental Health Support Network
It is important to speak about mental health. Having a close confidante to listen to can be lifesaving. However, being open is not the same as oversharing. Choose who you feel safe to talk to and keep their experience in consideration. And remember, you never have to share something if you don’t want to.
Sources
HelpGuide.org: Body Language and Nonverbal Communication
Psychology Today: The Real Danger of Oversharing
In Bloom Project: How to Talk About Mental Health at Work Without Making it Weird
